Introduction

“This I Love” is the most emotionally naked song Axl Rose has ever written.
It’s the raw nerve of Chinese Democracy, the soul of the entire album, and arguably the most heartbreaking composition in his entire career.

Where “Estranged” is existential sorrow,
“This I Love” is pure grief, the cry of someone who lost the person he believed was his soulmate — and still hasn’t forgiven himself.

No anger.
No swagger.
No rebellion.
Just pain.

This song isn’t about romance.
It’s about mourning.

Axl wrote it with NO filter — no metaphor, no mask, no persona.
This is him alone in a room, bleeding truth.

Origin Story

The oldest song from Chinese Democracy

Axl began writing “This I Love” in 1993, shortly after the emotional implosion of his relationship with Stephanie Seymour, the woman from the November Rain and Estranged videos.

When that relationship exploded, Axl’s world fell apart:

lawsuits
betrayal
humiliation
loss of his best friend
loss of trust
the end of the trilogy’s love story
the collapse of everything he’d built emotionally

“This I Love” became the funeral piece for that period of his life.

He held the song back for more than a decade

Axl refused to release it until he personally felt ready.
He said it was too emotional, too private, too raw.

This was the ONE song he guarded the closest.

It is his “goodbye” to the greatest heartbreak of his life.

What the Song Is Really About

“This I Love” is about:

losing the one person you believed was your destiny
regret you can’t erase
longing that doesn’t fade
self-blame
grief mixed with hope
the ghost of a former life
searching for meaning after losing your world
a love so deep it becomes trauma
wanting to move on but being chained to memory

It’s Axl standing over the ruins of his own life and whispering:

“I still love you… even though I shouldn’t.”

This is not nostalgia.
This is sorrow.

Axl’s Psychological State in This Song

This is one of the clearest windows into Axl’s internal world.

1. Self-Blame

He sees himself as the reason the relationship failed.
There is no anger toward her — only regret and shame.

2. Denial of Closure

He refuses to accept the love is gone.
He emotionally keeps her alive.

3. Eternal Attachment

Axl is terrified his love will last forever —
even if the person doesn’t.

4. Trauma-Love Loop

His childhood trauma made him attach deeply, violently, permanently to the people he loves.
Losing them is catastrophic.

5. Spiritual Desperation

“So if she’s somewhere near me, I hope to God she hears me.”

This is Axl praying — literally pleading with the universe.

“This I Love” isn’t just a song.
It’s a cry for help.

Musical Construction — Axl as Composer

This is Axl at his classical, operatic, cinematic best.

1. Piano Foundation

The piano part is mournful, descending, hypnotic —
like someone replaying memories they can’t escape.

2. Orchestrations

Axl wrote the orchestral lines himself:

swelling strings
dramatic crescendos
movie-score melancholy
sweeping emotional arcs

This is closer to Elton John, Queen, and Hans Zimmer than hard rock.

3. Choir Textures

Soft choral pads add a spiritual layer — almost like a requiem.

4. Guitar Solo

Buckethead (not Slash) plays the solo:

melodic
weeping vibrato
almost violin-like
heartbreak embodied in guitar

It’s not aggressive — it’s mourning in electric form.

5. Structure

The song slowly rises from vulnerability → grief → pleading → emotional release.

Axl’s Vocal Performance

This is Axl’s most beautiful, fragile, and technical vocal performance of the 21st century.

He uses:

soft falsetto
wounded whisper
operatic vibrato
chest voice cracks
desperation-filled screams
emotional collapses
subtle breath breaks

Axl is NOT performing here.

He is reliving.

Every note feels like a memory he can’t let go of.

High-Level Breakdown of the Meaning (No line quoting)

1. Opening Section

Axl is lost, replaying the breakup in his mind.
He doesn’t understand how something so deep could die.

2. Middle Section

He admits fault.
He expresses regret.
He acknowledges that he pushed the relationship too far.
He punishes himself emotionally.

3. Climactic Section

He calls out for her across the years, hoping she can somehow hear him — a spiritual plea, not a literal one.

4. Final Section

He tries to convince himself he can move on.
He fails.
The love remains.
The pain stays.

“This I Love” ends unresolved — because the emotion is unresolved.

Slash vs. Buckethead Context

Why Slash didn’t play on this song

“This I Love” was composed and recorded during the post-Slash era, long before Slash returned.

Axl trusted Buckethead’s emotional tone for this track —
and the result is stunning.

Would Slash have played it differently?

Yes — Slash would have played with:

more blues
more bends
more emotional grit

But this version is crystalline heartbreak, not blues.

Buckethead was the perfect choice for the atmosphere Axl wanted.

Production Notes

15 years in development
recorded across multiple studios
dozens of vocal takes
orchestral layering
cinematic mixing approach
guitar treated like a string instrument

“This I Love” is Axl’s most personal production ever —
he controlled every detail.

Cultural Impact

While not a radio hit, “This I Love” gained a cult following because:

It’s Axl’s pure emotional truth
Vocalists consider it one of his hardest songs
Fans see it as the “final goodbye” to the Illusion era
It’s the emotional core of Chinese Democracy
It became a symbol of Axl’s vulnerability rarely seen publicly

It is widely seen as Axl’s greatest modern-era ballad.

FAQ — 20 Answers

Who is the song about?
Stephanie Seymour — primarily.
When was it written?
1993, finished around 2006.
Why did Axl keep it secret for so long?
Too personal and emotionally painful.
Is this a sequel to “Estranged” or “November Rain”?
Emotionally, yes — same heartbreak storyline.
Who plays the guitar solo?
Buckethead.
Why is Slash not on it?
Slash had left the band long before recording.
Is this the saddest GNR song?
Many fans say yes.
What genre is it?
Orchestral rock/opera ballad.
Is the song autobiographical?
Completely.
Why does Axl sound so emotional?
He recorded it reliving his deepest heartbreak.
Was the orchestra real?
Yes — real strings + synth layering.
What tuning?
Standard tuning.
Why is the song so dramatic?
It mirrors Axl’s emotional collapse.
Why didn’t it become a hit?
Too dark, too personal, not radio-friendly.
Is this Axl’s best vocal of the 2000s?
Many consider it his finest modern performance.
Did Axl write the orchestration?
Yes — he arranged the parts.
Why is the ending unresolved?
Because his emotion was unresolved.
Is this a live staple?
Very rare — vocally brutal.
Did Axl ever talk about this song?
Only vaguely — he avoids discussing it.
Is this one of GNR’s greatest ballads?
Absolutely — an emotional masterpiece.

THIS I LOVE — COMPLETE HISTORY, MEANING, STORY, ORCHESTRATION & LEGACY